Living in Times of Change

Have you noticed how much easier it is to accept change when it is our choice? When we choose to make a change, we have at least some control over the outcome, and we can accept a little better the way things unfold. For example, moving from working in a workplace to working from home, if it is my choice, is more likely to be welcomed, even if there are ups and downs as I transition. During 2020, many people’s workplaces changed drastically, many were required to stay and work from home as the world pivoted in the face of Covid and the pandemic that ensued. This was not by choice, for the most part.

Some of us, while having to adjust to this change, found it relatively easy to do. Depending on your job and your employer, you may have had equipment provided (e.g., computer, internet paid for) so you could keep working. If you had the space in your home to carve out some relative privacy to work in, it wasn’t too bad. However, for many others, and for a variety of reasons, it wasn’t an easy transition. It was stressful, crowded, full of distractions, and sometimes meant that more than one of you in the household were now “co-workers” sharing space while trying to work independently. At times, patience ran rather thin, didn’t it? Working in the same environment with a partner, family member, or roommate brought some interesting dynamics into our days. Eventually, after a year or more, we got used to it; we adjusted. Some folks went for therapy to talk about how to manage better at home, and in their relationships that, were strained by this new reality.

Now, here we are again. Employers are now requiring their employees to work so many days per week at the office. The perks that we got used to (such as rolling out of bed to attend to our video calls, no commute, having time to walk the dog, do a load of laundry in between) were no longer available. On top of which, we had to return to commuting, in a public transit that has also changed, some would say not for the better. As well, since many organizations had let go of some of their office spaces, the return to in person work has changed. Gone are the perks of having your own space among your colleagues that includes a desktop computer and phone that is yours. Now, we have what is referred to as hoteling style workplaces. There aren’t enough spaces for all of your team to be in at the same time. Desks are not assigned but rather they are booked, and to avoid people leaving personal belongings in what are now common spaces, many don’t allow their employees to book the same desk twice in a row. At least, this is the sense that I make of not being able to book twice in a row. I imagine that it might feel like being a bit of a nomad.

Choice is limited to the rules and boundaries that the workplace has put in place. This means our sense of control is diminished somewhat. You can choose from those spaces that are available on the system when you book a room or desk space, not your favourite desk or room (unless it is available and you haven’t already booked it the day before). There are several issues with this return to being in person. This is just one of them.

Choice may also be an illusion for some whose workplace have a rule of “first come, first choice” and limited spaces so that if you choose to go into work, you may or may not find an empty spot to sit in. You may be delayed by traffic and arrive to no spots available. Or, you may arrive and choose a desk only to discover that it has been assigned and the person whose desk it is arrives and displaces you. Implementing a return to in person working is going through growing pains.

So how do you manage change? Well, first we start by asking “what do I control”. For the most part, all you control is you. In the face of challenges, no matter how great they seem, we are not powerless; we have options.

First, we can choose to leave the situation. This option isn’t always possible. At the same time, if the job is truly awful or toxic, seriously consider it. Ask yourself, will my life be fuller, more meaningful, if I leave that situation rather than stay on? If you can’t leave though, then you still have choices.

Second choice - choose to stay and live by your values. Explore what you can do to improve the situation and do it. Accept the pain that shows up in regards to what you can’t change in the situation, make room for it, and then hold yourself with kindness.

Third choice - choose to stay and either do things make no difference or make it worse. Doing nothing would fall in this option.

We don’t have control over the choices or decisions that other people make. What we can control is our own reaction to those decisions and choices that others have made. We can’t control other people’s beliefs or thoughts; we can however control our reactions to them.